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Writing Books, Interesting Books We've Read

Is THAT what they meant?  A book of practical communication insights

c 53 communication cover

We wrote this book because many of our adult behaviors are largely invisible to us; they’re accepted and supported by our culture. It doesn’t occur to us to question our own (or our partner’s) basic assumptions about who we are and how we interact in the world.

This is really a book of the things I’ve had to learn in order to communicate effectively. In the process of learning all this, I came to understand how difficult it is to step aside from yourself and explore why you think as you do. However, the more you understand how you (and those with whom you're speaking) take in information, the easier the communication becomes. The book is meant as a guide to help people decipher what others are saying and also to readers realize why some of their messages are not being heard the way you intended them.   

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Master/slave Mastery – Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship

c 52 protocolc cover

This book is a map to help others design their own personal protocols.  It is a book that provides countless tips and techniques for Masters so they can clarify how they, themselves want to be served. The book gives details about how we (within our relationship) translagted those wishes into elegant service.

In our experience, a protocol manual is much more than documenting rules of service. Writing a protocol manual helps you examine and refine your relationship and your relationship management style. The very process of creating a manual such as this reveals the kinds of service Master really wantsfrom the slave and the kinds of service the slave can actually deliver.

In that light, writing a protocol manual is an exercise in clarifying the intent of your relationshiop.

 

 

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Master/slave Mastery – Advanced:  Rekindling the fire, ideas that matter

c 49 advancedcover

This is an advanced Master/slave book. It's for people with very strong core values who have been doing M/s for 5+ years (or been heavily involved in D/s for that long).  This is for people who know a lot about a lot and are open to thinking about what they know in a different way. This is a "content-heavy" book. You'll want about five years of experience to be able to read it comfortably. Readers should thoroughly understand the difference between a D/s culture and an M/s culture.

This book presents many viewpoints on M/s relationships.  I've been attending M/s conferences since 2003 and have taken good notes. Those notes, my 13 years living 24/7 M/s, and extensive discussions with hundreds of people who identify with Mastery and slavery have been combined to create this book. Jen and I explain how strong leaders can combine with strong supportive followers to make a magical relationship.

Unlike the fictional world of Masters and slaves, this book discusses the very real challenges and opportunities available to long-term M/s couples.

 

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BDSM Mastery: Relationships – A guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives

c 48 bdsm rels cover

This is a book about relationships.  Adventuresome relationships. Relationships that are not exactly like vanilla relationships (traditional relationships as practiced by the average couple you'd meet at a baseball game).  BDSM relationships differ from vanilla relationships in two specific ways: First, they involve a power-imbalanced structure (one person is clearly in charge, the other person is clearly following); and second, the kind of sex that adventuresome folks practe is, well, not vanilla.
 

This book speaks to those who are starting out in BDSM, or are involved with someone in a BDSM-based relationship. 

Reading this book will save each of you a lot of heartache, frustration, and anger.

 

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Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices

c 47 ms mastery updated cover

This is the first book in a series devoted to Master/slave mastery. It is intended to help people start their relationship thoughtfully.  It discusses cautions about potential Masters and potential slaves.

Jen and I distinguish between D/s and M/s relationships. D/s is more about power exchange while M/s is more about authority transfer. D/s is more about where you fall on the scale of dominance and submission; M/s is about the roles you each play.

Because of these differences, Jen and I believe that D/s and M/s have different "rules of engagement." This book helps explain some of those "rules," as we've come to understand them.

This book is intended to provide important tips and tools for building a firm relationship.

 

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BDSM Mastery – Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols

c 46 basicsbdsm

This is not a book that explains what BDSM is, this is a book that explains what BDSM is all about.  This is a book that enables someone with zero BDSM experience to walk confidently into thier first munch or club meetiong.

This is also a book for people who have been involved in the community for a while and are now interested in understanding how the puzzle pieces fit together.

Once you've finished this book, you'll have about as much BDSM knowledge as someone who hasbeen actively in the public scene for about five years.

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SMTech Videos

Well — another surprise turn in the publishing department. My good friend Bob decided to invest some money with my publisher in order to make three videos. Actually, it’s six videos, because each topic we recorded with a female bottom had to be totally reshot with a male bottom. Bob’s DVD was on basic rope bondage. I did two: Impact Play 101, Building your skills, and Fire Play: Your basic safety guide to fire. Ann Bryne paid to have two of her own recorded: one was on basic violet wand, the other on advanced violet wand.

Herbert (publisher) has an extensive background in live TV and video editing and rented three broadcast-quality cameras and a mixer. He sat in the booth and (essentially) created the final cut right there. Quite an amazing job, actually.

In addition to the DVD, itself, Herbert had a transcript made of the shoots and then Bob and I went over our own and edited them for flow. We also included all the safety materials we wanted. The books were 64 pages, full color. Really well done.

The result was a book/DVD combination that Herbert priced at $39.95.

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The Power Exchange Book Series

photo 42 age play   photo 43 pebrs disabilities cover   photo 44 protocols cover   photo 45 aos cover   photo 46 pebrs rope cover

Cover images for the five-book series.

+++

Power Exchange Magazine failed for a couple of reasons. First, very few people subscribed; second, it was exhausting work keeping people on deadline and getting images to go along with some of the articles. I just couldn’t keep it up.

So we (and I really can’t remember how Herbert fit in with all this) decided to change from magazine format to “collected essays” on a focused topic. We selected the series name: Power Exchange Books’ Resource Series and I began contacting people who had signed up at conferences saying they would like to write for me.

The idea was to have a collection of 9-10 authors submitting 3,500-word essays on a single topic of interest to BDSM or Leather folk to create a book of about 100 pages. The series is about the “why” of what we do, not the “how.” Book titles include:

  • Playing with Disabilities

  • The Art of Slavery

  • Protocols: A Variety of Views

  • Rope, Bondage, and Power

  • Age Play

A word about Rope, Bondage, and Power. Lee Harrington volunteered to be the issue coordinator for this and his “call for writers” among the highest reaches of the rope world was met with resounding success. Rather than 9-10 authors, Lee produced 19 qualified authors. The only notable exceptions were Midori, Jay Wiseman, Lochi, and Leon from Chicago. This book became reasonably popular among rope enthusiasts. 

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Herbert and book covers

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Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 – The Advanced Course and Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402 – Living in Harmony

photo 39 communications cover   photo 40 solutions cover

I am now conducting presentations and demos at national conferences about once every three weeks: about 12 a year.

Early in November, 2007, Duane and Kelly (Leather Reign) contacted me about presenting at their 2008 conference in Seattle. It would be in February, could I come?

Sure

Could I do a new presentation? (Remember, I only did two up to this point: Protocols and Establishing an M/s relationship).

Sure. I have a number of working titles, which would you like?” I read them to her.

Nurturing a strong M/s relationship,” she replied.

Sure.

We hung up.

I started thinking: It’s early November. I have until February to work this outline. Hmmm. Long outline, better start.

I wrote solidly for six weeks. By the end of December, I had something like 65,000 words. Not good. Herbert likes books in the 45,000 – 52,000 word range. I discussed it with him.

Break it into two books,” he said.

Right.

By the end of January, we sent two books to CreateSpace:

  • Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 — The Advanced Course. Las Vegas: Nazca Plains.

  • Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402 — Living in Harmony. Las Vegas: Nazca Plains.

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Power Exchange Magazine

photo 38 power exch mag cover

At the very beginning of 2007, Herbert, who was always pushing for new projects, got me to agree to be the managing editor of “Power Exchange Magazine.” Over the course of the next ten months, we produced nine issues before I called it quits from exhaustion. Here’s the list of issue themes:

  • Master/slave Relations — male Master

  • Master/slave Relations — female Master

  • Bootblacking

  • FemDomme

  • Pony Play

  • Polyamory

  • Daddy/boy

  • Leather Spirituality

  • Pup/Trainer

As the magazine was failing to catch on, I made a marketing decision to transform Power Exchange Magazine and into a small book format. This series, Power Exchange Books’ Resource Series, are 100-page books on focused topics of interest to BDSM or Leather folk. The series is about the “why” of what we do, not the “how.” Book titles include:

  • Playing with Disabilities

  • The Art of Slavery

  • Protocols: A Variety of Views

  • Rope, Bondage, and Power

  • Age Play

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Squirms, Screams and Squirts:  Going from Great Sex to Extraordinary Sex

photo 34 sss cover

Once I realized that M/s Relations and Protocols were really autobiographies about the way mindi and I were in the world, I also realized we’d left the sexual part out. However, the kind of sex we did was a little different from Vanilla sex. Because of this I decided to tackle the idea of writing a book about “advanced” sex techniques. I decided it should feature dildos, vibrators, fingering, licking, and erotic shaving.

It took me over a year to pull the material together and to take the photos that I’d use as illustrations. As it was nearing completion, Herbert asked about the title. I have no idea what I said, but he essentially vetoed that title and suggested: “Squirms, Screams, and Squirts.” For a gay man, I thought that was extraordinary. At any rate, after I added the tag line, “Handbook for going from great sex to extraordinary sex,” we released it.

I can’t remember quite why, but I gave a copy to Stacey Bean. She’s sort-of been on the fringes of my world for some time. She’s really an Internet sub and had a lot of trouble integrating into the Austin scene. At any rate, she was “chat pals” with Hugh Heffner’s partner/girlfriend/main-squeeze and Stacey posted something about the book.

The next thing I know, Herbert is calling asking what I did.

About what?” I asked.

What did you do to get triple-s (as we called it) to sell? Have you seen your Amazon numbers?”

Nope, haven’t seen them and I haven’t done anything.” I replied

It turned out that Playboy Online picked up the book and recommended it as the #1 gift book for Valentine’s Day 2008.

photo 35 playboy webpg

Once Playboy put the book up just before Valentine’s day in 2008, Penthouse Forum contacted me about running a free promotional. Here that is…

photo 36 pent coverphoto 37 penthouse

Sales took off.

NOTE: That book ended up selling over 12,000 Amazon copies and remained in the 2,000-14,000 sales ran for about three years. Pretty amazing.

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Parts – Holes - Wholes:  Photographic Erotic Art books

photo 24 holes   photo 25 parts   photo 26 wholes 

My publisher has decided that I need more published material. We now have the fire play book, “Flames of Passion: Handbook of erotic fire play” and “Protocols: Handbook for the female slave.” He’s suggested that I put out some photography books. Hmmm. He’s decided to go for coffee-table books. Hmmm #2.

Ultimately, he’s had me divide my photos into three groups:

  • Wholes: photos where the entire model was visible. The backdrop or the action made it interesting.

  • Holes: pussy shots

  • Parts: Isolated body parts or parts of the model

It became a Print-On-Demand (POD) book like the others, so when printed it is a photocopy process rather than a printing process. The full color images made it expensive. I like the result.

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Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fire Play

photo 23 fireplay cover

David Walker and I prepared so many safety handouts for our fire play classes that I asked him whether he might like to put it out as a book. “After all,” I said, “we certainly have the photography set-up and the models.” “Sure” he replied.

We scheduled a couple of shoots; one for cupping, one for wanding, one for wax play, and one for flash cotton. We did the cupping on Renee and the flash cotton on Misty. The sequence with Misty still makes me smile, as we laid out the pattern in such a way that she could feel the flame start up and then watch it approach her face. Her expressions are priceless and we put them in the book. Usually, for newbies, we lay out a simple “Y” strand and light it in the middle. That way, it is totally over before the bottom knows it was lit.

We got Jay Wiseman involved with the book when it came to fire extinguishers. There is a lot of controversy over whether to use a CO2 extinguisher or an ABC powder type. On the one hand, you can throw a person into shock with the CO2 extinguisher, but you don’t risk acid in their eyes. With the ABC extinguisher, you have to be very careful about spraying faces. David and I got around this by saying that there had to be a backup person available when you’re doing fire, and that the person conducting the scene is responsible for the bottom’s safety and the person with the fire extinguisher is responsible for property once the bottom has been removed from the area.

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Writing Books

photo 16 prots cover

 

Herbert came over to our home in Lago Vista for a photo shoot last week. I was in my office. Herbert knocked on the front door, opened it, and called out: “Halooo, halloo” as he let himself in. He knew where I was. This all happened so quickly that he appeared before I had time to get out of my chair.

What are you writing?” he asked.

slave mindi’s protocol manual,” I replied.

Let me see that,” he said. I handed him what I had thus far written and printed out. He thumbed through it.

There’s nothing like this in print.” he declared.

I don’t think there’s a market for a protocols book. Everyone has to make their own.”

The last book that covered this kind of material was by Larry Townsend in 1979.”

What didn’t you understand about what I just said?” I asked.

What do you not understand about the fact that I’m the publisher in the room.” He replied. “How long will it take you to get this into publishable shape?”

About two months.” I stated.

Good. Shall we say September 15th, then?”

NOTE: This book, “Protocol handbook for the female slave: theory and practice” was the first of my non-fiction books about the M/s life. It turned out to be the start of a long string of books that continues to this day. I shot the cover photo. This was my slave's actual protocol manual. It is a snapshot in time of the way we lived from about 2006-2010.

Herbert ended up publishing about a dozen of my books over the years, a magazine that lasted a year, and six small books in the “Power Exchange Resource Series” group.

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As long as you cite me as the author and the source is http://www.KinkMastery.com, you are permitted to copy up to 50 words.  Beyond that, please be a good-guy and write to me for reprint permission: PowerExchangeEditor@Yahoo.com